I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
