oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
