Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize