Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
