The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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