ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
