Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize