I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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