I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
