Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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