All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize