Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
