Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
its liver damage thursday
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
