Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
