uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize