sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
