Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
