I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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