If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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