I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
