I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
