He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
