New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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