It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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