You're completely useless in the revolution.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize