marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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