I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
