I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize