I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
