Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize