My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I want her autograph on my taint
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
