I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
