i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
