I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize