he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
