once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
