just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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