I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
