I'm jealous of your bromance
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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