i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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