Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
