Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
