I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
