chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
smell my finger.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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