you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
