Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
