IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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