I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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