I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize