I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
