Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
