did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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