she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
