I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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