Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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