dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
