My hair reeks of homosexuality.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
