the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
