yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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