took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
