And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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