The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
