It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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