Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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