Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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