The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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