Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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