Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
