got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
