At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
