My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
