No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
