Soap is not a condiment
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
